Being firstborn in the family, my parents love me very much. They hv high expectation on me, they send me for organ lessons, memory class, and all sorts of tuition. I was always the top in class. I remembered they gave me $100 for getting first place. I'm happy that they're proud of me. I used to hav good relationship with my parents, especially my dad. He used to carry me on his shoulder when i was a kid. It felt like i'm top of the world. I even once thought that he's the tallest man in the world, how naive. Haha. Somehow things changed, my brother was born when i was 4. My dad then starts offshoring

Due to lack of attention, i cant seem to cope with my studies. I dropped from first to last few place in class. Then i see the real world. Teachers' dislike & humiliation. So-called-frens' teases, rejection & bully. Parents' "fry kueh tiaw". I've tasted it all. (rattan, chopstick, hangar, belt, u name it). & my dad who shifted his love to my brother & left none for me. All these broke my heart. I felt that i hv let them down. I felt useless & felt like i'm a disgrace to my family. the world hates me. Ever thought of committing suicide. I thought if i died, i don hv to face such pain & the world's definitely happier without me.

Of course suicide wasn't successful. Otherwise i'd be a sharing a ghost testimony? Haha. I cant do it, no gutts. Cutting my veins would be painfull. I stood in front of the stair case wonder how should i fall from it. Cant figure a quick n painless way to do it. In the end i gave up & went back to sleep. This was my primary school life.
During mid school a fren introduces me to church. I experienced a totally different environment there. At first i have doubts & always rejected her invitation. But she never gave up on me, kept asking me to join fellowship, sunday service, sunday school, etc. Not wanting to let her down, i accepted her invitation. That was my first step in getting to know christ.

Reverend preached about things i've never heard b4. I understand that God loves us so much that He send his only son, Jesus Christ to die for us. I couldn't understand why would God love such a person like me? I was touched by His unconditioned love & i accepted Him. Then gradually my life changed. I've change my thoughts, values & my old habits. I know my responsibilities as a christian, a daughter & a student. I understand that i should give & love unconditionally like Christ, instead of expected to b loved all the time. Best of all, i know i'm not hopeless because God loves me. No matter what happens, He'll be with me, and He gives me the best. God loves you too.